(Image courtesy of fille_de_photo.)

There appears to be a mild hooha brewing in Pittsburgh about CMU’s decision to allow opposite-sex roommates. This is silly. No, I’m not going to make a “because CMU students never have sex” joke. Anyone thinking that CMU dorm rooms are going to become hotbeds of fornicatory cohabitation has clearly never observed the dating behaviors of college students. Relationships are formed, conducted, and dissolved on timescales as short as a week. No student in hir right mind is going to go through room draw with hir significant other, because by the time they’re scheduled to move in together, chances are that they’ll have broken up and won’t even want to speak to each other. You think it’s awkward running into your ex at the gas station? How about sharing a room with them that’s smaller than the average Fox Chapel closet? I know these things of which I speak, for I was in a coed fraternity in college. There was a whole suite of people who got involved in a complicated love triangle; the chill coming from our third floor could have air-conditioned the house all summer.

In other words, chill out, Pittsburgh. You’ve got much better things to worry about (like, for example, the patient I saw today in clinic who’s had buildings on all sides of her arsonized by a nascent gang in Carrick). Go take care of important work and rest assured that any roommates who don’t keep it platonic will suffer worse fates than any you might wish for them.

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