Pittsburgh: Ho Ho City?

The Post-Gazette had shocking news yesterday: Joe Average-Pittsburgher (son of Frank Average and Henrietta Pittsburgher) eats more than one and a half Ho Hos per day.

“Holy Crap,” you might well say. “I don’t even know anyone who eats those things. Somebody must be packing on the Ho Ho pounds to get us up to that number.” That’s what I said, anyway, and I think of myself as a fairly representative Pittsburgher, apart from my low Ho Ho consumption. A nutritionist weighed in:

“Nobody is thinking while eating a Ho Ho, ‘Hey, this is like eating fat on a steak.’ But it’s really the same thing. The arteries aren’t discriminating.”

This is getting worse and worse: no wonder we are dying faster than we can replenish our civic population. This is the crack epidemic all over again, except with a totally different meaning when the word “ho” is used.

Then, today:

Youngsters who are rewarded for good grades with after-school snacks might sympathize as I admit: No Ho Ho for me.

In yesterday’s story about Pittsburgh’s nation-leading consumption of Hostess Ho Hos, I reported that our residents down them at a rate of 1.51 per person per day.

The bad math, however, unraveled like a chocolatey Swiss-rolled treat, as readers pointed out: Pittsburgh’s population (334,563) times days in the year (365) times 1.51 Ho Hos equals 184,394,397 per year.

Hostess sells only 100 million Ho Hos annually.

The story should have said 1.51 Ho Hos per Pittsburgher per year, a rate that still leads the nation, but doesn’t come close to making us the heavyweights the story suggested.

What a relief. My horrifying fantasies of drowning in a sea of Ho Hos was lifted. In fact, I might be reasonably expected to eat a Ho Ho and a half in a year. Reason and sense are restored.

Metanote: A Google image search for “ho ho” will produce a whole lot of photos of Santa Claus, sexually available women, and pirates, but not a whole lot in the way of snack cakes. As a result, this post is offered without adornment.

1 Comment so far

  1. Tim Parenti (unregistered) on April 21st, 2007 @ 12:13 am

    I must say, 1.5 snack cakes a year is hardly remarkable news, but whatever; we’re still at the top. I like them, dangit!

    And now that I think about it, it’s been a while since I’ve had one. Thanks, Mac, for getting me on this fix.

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