Get to Know Your Steelers
It’s that time of year, ladies. And no, I’m not talking about the dog days of summer, the upcoming back-to-school shopping sales, or the Steelers training camp. What I want to talk about here is an important issue facing all Pittsburgh ladies this time of year – Steelers impersonators.
To avoid being taken advantage of by such ne’er-do-wells, I suggest that all ladies familiarize themselves with the Steelers roster. Study these pictures like you studied your multiplication tables in the 3rd grade. Be sure to examine the entire team too, not just a few who you have heard of or think are cute (I, for example, tend to get stuck on pictures of newbie hunk, I mean, punter, Daniel Sepulveda and my old favorite Brett Keisel). Since Steelers impersonators are more likely to steal the identity of less-visible players, it’s important that you familiarize yourself with players on all levels of the depth chart not just the starters. Get to know who plays for your team and any distinctive features that may differentiate them from any ol’ cad at your local watering hole. Not only will this help you to shield off the advances of a fake Steeler, but should an actual Steeler hit on you, you’ll know who he is. Then, once you have confirmed his identity, you can take ridiculous pictures of him drinking his face off and distribute them to sports blogs.