An Open Letter to Forbes on Bachelorettes

Dear Forbes,
I can’t believe that you didn’t pick me as Pittsburgh’s most eligible bachelorette. Seriously, what were you thinking – a fiftysomething CEO over a twentysomething grad student/research coordinator/occasional blogger? Why, Forbes, why? I’m not only totally single but I’m, like, totally fun. I mean, I bet Michelle Fabrizi has never even danced on the bar at The Matrix or rode on the bull at Saddle Ridge (okay, I’ve never done that last one either but I totally would if it meant a better shot at winning next year).

Let me tell you a few things about how awesome I am – I’m so awesome that just this week I decided to buy myself an expensive new handbag just to reward myself for being awesome. I’m so awesome that after my neighbors’ houses burned down, I scored a totally sweet riverfront view. I’m so awesome that I have a season pass to Sandcastle. I’m so awesome that anytime I throw a party my dining room turns into Saturday Night Fever. I’m so awesome that I have Steelers tickets. I’m so awesome that once I saw Ken Rice downtown and we had a real moment as our gazes met across the Gateway Center fountain (either that or there was something in his eye). I’m so awesome that I once walked down Grant Street during rush hour with my bra exposed. I’m so awesome that I eat pierogies by the dozen. I’m so awesome that half the guys in Pittsburgh have my fake number in their cell phone. I’m so awesome that I can knit a scarf AND make a mean meatloaf. I’m so awesome that a real Steeler tried to pick me up once and I was so convinced that he was a fake (and a douche) that I totally dissed him. I’m so awesome that when I sing Loretta Lynn at karaoke, really old dudes tell me about some really really dirty stuff that they’d like to do to me.

And as if all that awesomeness weren’t enough, I’m also pretty darn cute (at least that’s what Mom, Dad, and Grandma say). The point is, Forbes, that you really missed the Gateway Clipper with this one. Hopefully, you’ll have better sense next year and award this distinction to the right woman.


3 Comments so far

  1. Rob (unregistered) on August 27th, 2007 @ 11:49 am

    It’s true. I ran into this chick once at Saddle Ridge when she was wasted. She’s totally awesome.

  2. Bob (unregistered) on August 27th, 2007 @ 2:29 pm

    I didn’t know Steely McBeam hit on you!

  3. Lauren (unregistered) on August 28th, 2007 @ 10:07 am

    You were robbed!!!!

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