You Don’t Buy Coffee, You Rent It

I frequently find myself at the Beehive. I like the energy, I like the vibes, and most of all I like the fact that I can smoke my lungs black while watching the most interesting foot traffic in Pittsburgh.

The men’s room is a veritable museum of graffiti, as you can see in Jeremy Salapek’s photograph. There is also one toilet and one urinal. That makes two places for men to do their business, and one sink in which to wash our hands.

Twice now, as I was doing the standing-up thing, other men have opened the door, exclaimed in embarrassment, and excused themselves for disturbing me.

My question is this: how does a heterosexual man with no salacious intentions whatsoever indicate to another man with no salacious intentions that there are, indeed, two places to pee, and that his embarrassment is unwarranted.

Everything I’ve been able to come up with sounds like a come-on.

“Hey, no problem man, there’s room for two in here!”
“No, don’t be embarrassed, there’s plenty of room.”
“You don’t have to wait, dude, come on in.”
“Hey, there’s a stall in here, too.”

Any suggestions?

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